Monday, May 8, 2017

In which Tory truly is a missionary...

My week was....good and bad. I`ve been feeling a lot of things about a lot of things and about a lot of people but more than anything I feel.....sad. I sometimes feel a little bit of regret for the days where I took the easy way out instead of being diligent but I can honestly say that there have been a lot less of those days then there have been of those days were I kept going even when I didn`t want to. I pushed through even though I didn`t want to. And I`m talking about my whole mission, not just this week. I remember in the MTC on earth did Ammon say `I wish to stay among this people, perhaps until the day I die.' when I was feeling like I couldn`t stand another minute away from my home. But now....I can say that I feel the same.Yea, I desire to dwell among this people for a time,  perhaps until the day that I die. Mexico is my home now. I have two homes.

This is probably the last email that I`m going to send while I still have the calling as a full time missionary.  Being a missionary is what I am. I am a missionary. Not a very good one but I am a missionary. And I don`t know how to do anything else. I feel......I feel way too many things about my mission. I feel like in that jeffery r. holland talk. `My love is richer than my tongue...I cannot heave my heart into my mouth.' 

I haven`t done everything perfectly as a missionary. It`s been harder than I ever imagined it would be. I didn`t enjoy every second of it but I can say that there was never a day where I didn`t at least try, sometimes it was a half effort because I felt exhausted spiritually but I`ve always tried. I feel......I feel like I am a good missionary. I remember, in chapter eight of Preach My Gospel there`s an activity that is like, ' imagine your last day in the mission. what do you want to say you`ve done as a missionary this day?` and throughout my mission i`ve done that activity various times and everytime I can only think of, `I just want to do everything that the Lord expects of me.'  And I feel like I have. I have done everything that he expects of me. I`ve done everything I could. I`ve strived to be obedient, I`ve tried my best en everything and I have truly come to realize a line in my patriarcal blessing that says, ' Let the gospel not only be a part of your life but let the gospel be what you are'.

The gospel is what I am. Maybe because i`m living the gospel more fully than ever before in my life and maybe i won`t feel that way when suddenly there`s school and work and boys and movies but right now, siting in mac shack in san pedro cholula i can`t imagine my life any other way. I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ. I am a part of this gospel. And there isn`t room for doubt in my heart or in my mind. I can`t imagine my life in another mission with other people or in another place. This is MY mission. I feel like Ruth now, in the bible when her mother in law is like, `I have nothing else for you now, and Ruth responds: Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whithethou goest, will goand where thou lodgest, will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.

But at the same time, I know missions have to end. This has been the eighteen months of my life and they`ve also been the worst. But the mission isn`t the most important thing in life. It was for this time and still is for this week because I`m a missionary but at the end, this isn`t everything Heavenly Father has planned for me. This is only the beginning and every good thing that happens to me from now on I know, I know that it is thanks to my mission. If nothing else, my mission has brought me fully and completely unto Christ and I have been changed thanks to Him. Not for anything I`ve done. But at least I can say that the gospel is who I am. 

I don`t know what else to say. I have to go know. I have to write to president and I feel a lot of preassure to finish with a bang and be really impressive and spiritual but i don`t think it`s going to be that way.

i love you. And i`ll see you on Tuesday.


Hermana Mills

Thursday, May 4, 2017

In which Tory becomes a worry wart...

This week has been better. Well. we`ve still got a whole lot of nothing going on but I`ve sort of accepted that. Sorry I wont have much to write it`s que the assistents have asked me and those who are heading out with me to send in TWELVE pictures of me throughout my mission and i`m trying to decide which ones i`m going to send.

I don`t know who is leaving with me. in my generation i`m the only utah kid. i`m pretty sure elder bons is finishing with me. my zone leader. but he`s from ohio. but maybe we`ll go to huston together. who knows. I think another elder, elder limpert from Salt lake might be finishing with me but i have no idea about the elders. the elders who came here with me won`t be leaving with me. but i still don`t really want to go home. like....i want to come home for two weeks and then i want to come back to mexico and being a missionary. but then again seeing as i`m not very good at being a missionary maybe it`s better if i just......i have no idea what i`m going to do with my life. that`s sort of terrifying. what am i going to do with my life???????????? I just sent you the twelve fotos that i`m going to send into the video that they`re going to make. there all old ones except for one where i have my hair pulled back. hna flores and i have to take more pictures. i seriously love her so much. 

the mission has turned me into a worry wart. one thing that i won`t miss AT ALL is the preassure to meet your goals and everything. i know in like two weeks it isn`t going to matter if i had five baptisms in my last transfer or not. what will matter is that i take everything that i learned in these eighteen months and i keep holding fast and treasuring the things. if i keep up the good habits that i`ve gained and all that good jazz. 

or at least that`s what i tell myself as a way of comforting myself for our lack of just about anything here 😥

PLEASE. i need assignments. I need a scheduale. I bought a agenda the other day because i was like.....i dono`t have another agenda....I DON`T HAVE AN AGENDA FOR THE NEXT TRANSFER! BECAUSE THE ENXT TRANSFER I WON`T NEED AN AGENDA. HELP.

(Tory sent 12, but I am only posting those that have not been on the blog before)

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

In which Tory's shoes disagree with the local traditions...

This post will have Tory's e-mail's for the last two weeks. Sorry for the inconvenience, but we've been very busy around here with this little fellow so you'll have to forgive us.
April 17, 2017

Well the secrataries just called me and asked me where i`d like to fly in and i said salt lake because i don`t know if saint george or ceader city will have international flights so i`ll be flying into salt lake but i sort of forgot what day i`ll actually be getting in.....i probably should have asked that. but i`m guessing tuesday may 16 and i don`t know what time. they`ll send me my itenerary later so then i`ll tell you. and as far as traditions go they only have sabado de gloria where they just run around soaking people with buckets of water..........i am not a fan of that tradition and neither are my shoes. but we`ve got to go to tehucan today so i`m not going to have much time to write just wanted to tell that i love you and not to worry about me and i don`t want to come home. i almost didn`t awnswer the secrataries today when they called. they called like five minutes ago. i don`t want to go home but at the same time i`m excited to see you guys but i donpt know. sorry for lame letters without pictures but this sister trainer leader stuff is the worst i don`t have time on pday anymore for anything. but i love you and i`ll see you soon!!!
April 24, 2017

sorry for not writing anything or sending anything but things aren`t going to well in coronango. it`s really frustrating. when i was in ome we had the SAME problems. it`s been like six months and everyone is stuck in the same place with the same problems and no one is accepting ANYTHING and we`re sister trainer leaders so we have a ton of preassure to meet our goals and we set a goal of two baptisms for april and i don`t think it`s happening. and we can`t find anyone and i`m sort of bitter because ome was my hardest area and i was there four FOUR MONTHS with nothing and why did i get sent BACK when i only have three weeks left to find three baptisms? why did i get sent back to the area that i sort of hated and was the hardest for me? it`s not fair!! we were doing wonders in atlixco, me and hna guzman. i love hna flores she`s amazing but i`m angry and bitter and sad that my last few weeks of the mission i`m going to wandering around this little town in the middle of nothing that is more catholic than the vatican. 

Monday, April 10, 2017

In which Tory (yes Tory) cries tears of joy...

I`m doing really well. i get along way to well with my companion that we end up talking all night about anything and everything and we wake up like zombies which isn`t good because we`re both sick. we`ve got a cold. and it`s all her fault. 😣 no she says it`s elder medina`s fault because he came to the zone conference and got hna robertson sick who got hna flores sick who got ME sick and now we both are coughing and have a bunch of snotty noses and it`s a grand old time.   We`re talking like we`ve been smoking for fourty years but other than that. i`m good. all is well. All is forgiven because Hna Florez  is so cool she has the same tastes as me in basically everything and we get a long way too well. It makes it harder to stay focused. She`s from lima peru.

things are good here in cholula. i already know like half of my area because  they basically took half of my old ward, ometoxtla and half of the old ward of hna flores, la joya and made a new ward. so half of it i`m familiar with and half of it she knows so that`s fun.  time`s flying by way too fast. i don`t really halve much else to say. we`re good. i feel like hna flores is a little too laid back so i`m looking for a nice way to say buckle down with our time in the morning and studies and stuff and being more punctual and things like that but we`ve got interviews tomorow with president so that`ll be fun.

being sister trainer leader is just calling a lot of pepole and gossiping basically. okay not gossipy but it`s passing informes a los elderes los lideres de zona los assistentes. ect. and there`s a lot more preassure to reach your baptism goals. we`re basically sister zone leaders but we don`t have to meet with the stake president which is good.  but an investigator that we met on sauterday showed up yesterday and so that was cool and he wants us to meet his sons. i`m like 97% sure that he`s going to get baptized. hopefully in april but if not than in may.  i miss atlixco but i got to see hno lehi and his wife arely yesterday and their daughter who was born on my birthday seven months ago and she`s ADORABLE. but they`re in a different ward now so i probs won`t see them again. 😫

but i`m good. the house has a lot of bugs and my bed is reallly hard but i can last another five weeks. it`s CRAZY to think i`ve only got five weeks left of my mission. i try not to think about it to much but i feel good. i feel like i`ve done a good job. i`ve made a lot of mistakes and messed up and grown up and learned a lot and cried a lot and laughed a lot and i know more than anything that president stellmon is really proud of me. and if president is proud of me i`m guessing my father in heaven and earthly father are too so.. estoy contenta.

Also we had a BAPTISM last Friday! Vanessa and Melody were baptized and it was beautiful and amazing and i cried i was so happy.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

In which prayers are answered....

sorry that I couldn[t write to you guys yeserday but a TON of stuff went down and i[m sort of overwhelmed and i didn[t get a chance to get to a cyber yesterday. what happened is, i got transferred from atlixco to.....CHOLULA!!!! I'm in cholula again!!! and the crazy thing is that my ward is coronango which is a new ward they made about two weeks ago and it has a lot of the same areas that I had when I was in Ometoxtla in cholula about a year ago so i[ve got to see a ton of fimiliar faces which is nice. i[m also a sister trainer leader now which means i[m basically a district leader with my comp hna flores from peru but just for the sisters here. there[s not to many companionships in cholula, just two others and for this reason we[re also covering the zone of......TEHUCAN!!!! which is insane because tehucan is like three hours from cholula and we have to go do interchanges over there sometime in the coming weeks. it[s kind of ironic because i was praying and asking heavenly father, this is my last transfer, i want to go back to cholula or tehucan. if it is thy will let me go back to cholula or tehucan.......ask and ye shall recieve. i should have been more specific because now i have no idea how we[re going to do this. but that[s all i[ve got time for love you and we[ll talk more next week!!!!

In which Tory declares her devotion and love...

So....long time no update.....


Well, I´m sorry to say that this will be a little short too because honestly I still haven´t written my Mission President and time is ticking on….But a short update is better than nothing.

I´m still in Atlixco, Madero. Transfers are next week and we have a SURE baptism planned for this Friday! Melody and Vanessa have passed their baptismal interviews and we´re all good to go!!!!!! They´re so cute. Melody is ten and Vanessa is fifteen, they´re mothers are inactive and Melody´s mom is slowly but surely activating (her name is Erica and she´s Vanessa´s aunt) and her baby Nahomi is officially one of the cutest creations that I have met on this green earthy. And obviously my neices and nephews not included. Our new ward mission leader, Arturo Lopez Hidalgo, is great. His family just barely went to Utah,his son is living there in Egale Mountain and they´re so nice. I love them. I can´t believe that we´re already facing the end of Hermana Guzman´s training. I feel like maybe I haven´t done the best job with training because I haven´t really pushed her like I should have. I feel like I´ve been babying her too much. But, should have would have could have aside we´re near the end of it. I can say that I have loved her and learned a lot from her. I still remember one time when Hermana Peynado shared with me, ´Hermana at the end of it all, when you´re standing before the Saviour and he asks you about your mission he´s not going to ask you how many baptisms you had or how many lessons with members present you had he´s going to ask you how deeply you loved his sons and daughters he put in your path.´  And it´s true. I´ve been trying not to think about how much time I may or may not have left on the mission and I´m just trying to figure out how I can really finish this thing the way He wants me to. I can say that the gospel truly has become a priceless treasure to me throughout my mission. I´ve never felt the deep love or devotion that I have felt in these last few weeks towards the gospel and towards my Saviour before.  So whatever happenes in this next transfer, I´ve at least come to appreciate that. Some good has come of it.

And that´s officially all i´ve got time for. Rambeling wanderings and impressions that probably don´t make any sense. But there you have it.
Lots of missionary love

Hermana Mills 

Monday, March 13, 2017

In which wedding bells toll...

not much has happened this week. actually a lot has happened this week. my ward mission leader changed again. rayo is going to get married on the thirtieth. that was a whole SHOW honestly. last monday we went to the civil register (i think that´s a thing in´s something to do with the government and getting married or something. i dunno) just me and hermana guzman and we went to go check out details about how you can supposedly get married for free on the thirtieth of this month and we got everything all figured out, the two of us and that was a whole show too but then it was fine because she could get married for free!!! so the first thing we did last monday was head to her papeleria and tell her everything and we called two members who have been friendshiping them and helping us with lessons and they were totally willing to be witness at her wedding and we were all three super happy then she called her husband and was like ´honey we can get married!!!!!´and he was just like.... ´but i have to work that day...can´t it be another day? why so soon? why ec ect ect.' 

to say i was disapointed would be an understament. but to make a long story short i had to leave the area for a day to do interchanges with our hermana leader which was btoh good and bad because i love hermana quiroz who i did interchanges with and bad because then i didn´t know what happened with rayo!!!! but when we met up together again on Wednesday THEY AGGREED!!! THEY´RE GETTING MARRIED. :D if everything goes well...........which....we´ll see.... with my luck. no. but she didn´t come to church yesterday and I´m not too sure how ready she is or how she might not get baptized while i´m here. which would bite´s better that she gets baptized when she´s ready not when it´s convinent for me so i can take a picture with her and show off to the rest of the mission my acomplishment,.

but we´ve got two other baptism dates. two girls, ten and fifteen years old. Melodi and Vanessa. Melodi´s mom is a member and so is Vanessa´s but Vanessa´s mom is in another state and she´s in Erica´s (melodi´s mom) care right now and her mom is okay with her getting baptized! they´re inactives. like....super inactives but they´re ridiculously willing and they were all ready when we passed by to take them to church yesterday, they were all in there dresses, even erica´s baby, Nahomi who is six months old and it was pretty fantastic.