I´m glad i got to see everyone yesterday, even though i did feel a little out of it and i feel like i didn´t say much. i´d like to do a redo honestly. I was really sad yesterday, i feel like i didn´t say anything of importance, and then we went to our ward mission leader´s house afterwards and i dunno, i like him and his wife (his wife is an angel) Ruben and Sara but i dunno, i was just in a funk because i didn´t get to say goodbye that all their jokes that they made just got under my skin and i just wanted to leave. I´m almost sort of relieved christmas is over wheich has never happened to me but i just want things to go back to normal honestly. i´ve been kind of in a funk lately this transfer. things are good then things are bad my companion is amazing but sometimes she makes me feel bad without meaning to. She´s going home this transfer, and she´s been hermana leader basically her whole mission and honestly she is amazing. life has chewed her up and spit her out but she´s still happy and doesn´t milk her dramatic past tyring to get sympathy like sometimes people do. there´s a bee that is bugging me in the internet place so hopefully i dono´t get stung.
okay now it´s gone.
but president has been talking tome a lot about my faith and my prayers and stuff and i feel just sort of....stuck. in every sense of the word. i miss you. i can´t wait for may either. i love being a missionary it´s just i feel like i´m not very good at it. i don´t want to write to president i don´t know what to say. i just sort of want to go home. which is bad. because i´m sure when i´m home i´ll want to go back on the mission.
this is in the villa iluminada which is famous here in atlixco. it´s like a fair and there´s a TON of christmas lights, and for the first time in history president gave us permission to go, from six to eight, not to proselyte or anything just to go. so we went with Dana and Meli (melissa) and their mom, a less active and two little girls who we´re prepping for baptism.
Last Week's email, in which Tory has a stint as a Hipster Model:
|hermana peynado being my model|
|quaint streets of atlixco|
|hipstering it up|
|alone on the love bench|
|supposedly these are roses but they looked like brains to me.|
This transfer has been good and bad. mostly good. it´s just the same battle that i think i´ve always had. well...i´ve had a few different ones honestly but the one i´ve been struggeling with a lot is feeling like a bad missionary. it´s not that i´m tired of being a missionary. that´s not why i´ve had a lot of moments that i wanted to go home. it´s that i´m tired of doing something i feel like i´m not good at. i know. i honestly i KNOW that baptisms aren´t sucess but it sure helps you feel sucessful when youvé got a few baptisms to report and you get to see your picture in the slideshow at zone conferences. There´s a lot of things that I feel like I know it´s just getting them from my head into my heart that it is proving to be harder than I thought. Believing those things that i know and i´ve always known. president was like ´i feel like you came onto the mission with a little seed of a testimony and i want to know how that´s growing´ and he´s very concerned with my prayers an if i´m learning how to get awnswers to my questions but my problem is i can´t even phrase my questions to myself let alone Heavenly Father. I just feel like I don´t even have time to properly pray. my prayers just end up being a long stream of me passing over my day in my head and thinking ´i´m so tired. why am i so tired all the time??? what am i going to do tomorow in our lesson with dana and meli? what am i gonna do with my life? what is the word for blowfish in spanish? who is older? jeff or melissa?' ect. (also i seriously don´t know how is older jeff or melissa. i also couldn´t remember for a lon time if andy´s full name was andrew or if it was just andy.....but my comp right now is amazing. life has chewed her up and spitten her out and yet here she is dying to be here a little longer (this is her last transfer) and i´m sometimes dying to be in her place leaving. she´s superwomen of missionary work. she´s a spectacular teacher and just so great at it all that i just am terrified what am i going to do without her next transfer????? president has high expectations. he told me that he thought REAL hard about who was going to be her last companion. he said i earned it,being her comp and that after being with her missionaries just ´flourish´ and i´m just like well i might shrivel up and die so....don´t get your hopes up prezzi.
i miss you. i´ve been having a lot of weird extestential moments lately where i feel out of my own body kind of experiences. like i´ve been hermana mills for so long i don´t even know if i can be Tory again. or if they´re even different people. i look in the mirror and i´m just like. ´.....who is that even?´ My hair is LONG. okay, not that long but it´s definetly longer. I´m twenty years old. I speak spanish and walk into complete stranger´s houses on a daily basis. i´m living in MEXICO. EXTESTENTIAL CRISIES ABOUND. but whatever extestintial crises i´m gald you´re my sister. i´m glad i was born a mills and that i was born when i was and i for one am glad taht you went on a mission because without you i don´t know if i would have thought about it. maybe. probs not.