Monday, October 31, 2016

In which Tory receives revelation confirming the importance of her call to serve

A note from the editor: So last week we had a lot of info from Tory in personal e-mails that we did not share on the blog. But since the whole e-mail this week is in reference to that event I will post my personal e-mail from last week followed by this week's e-mail. Sorry for the confusion. 

 it´s been a week with a lot of really high yups and one big scary down and what with having to go to puebla today tol renew my green card that put me in a weird intorspective mess. i´ve almost got a year now, and on friday, we passed by to visit an investigator that hna ayala and i had dropped to see how he was doing and if he was a ready to progress and actually listen to us and he was like ´oh hermanitas, que bueno que you came by. today is my last day here´
´really hermano? where are you going?´
´con el Señor.´
´cual señor?´ 

and he just pointed up and started crying. he was going to kill himself. he was up to his eyeballs in debt, his family had left him, he was an alcholic and had smoked since he was twelve he´d lost his job that he´d has as an electrical engineer and it was because he wasn´t right in the head. he had, i dunno. a little bit of everything. severe depression, anxiety, everything. but what i didn´t udnerstand until later (and don´t you DARE tell mom or dad this) he´d killed someone and he wanted to kill again so he said it was better off if it was just himself, and ya. nobody would have to suffer anymore. least of all him. and..... i dunno. there was litteraly nothing i could do and we can´t go back to see if he actually went through with it but i think he did. and i don´t know what to do. we called president that day and were like ´we can´t just leave him here what do we do?´ because it was late, well we passed by at like noon and he told us what he was planning and from noon to about three we were standing in his doorway trying to talk him out of it and we called the elders from a neighboring ward to come give him a blessing, it was good because they were mexicans and when he said he´d killed someone he used a word i hadn´t heard before so i had no idea what he was talking about. but i just felt like why do i have to be here for this. it was a horribly HORRIBLY selfish thought but it just reminded me so much of what happened with tyler trevort and i was just like ´no no no this can´t be happening, not again´ and i almost thought, not to me. well, i did think, not to me. this can´t be happening to me again. there are people who go through their whole missions without a hint of a situtation of suicide and me twice. why and i dunno, i have no idea what to do or what to say to resident this week i just don´t know. 


Geraldo didn´t kill himself. I was sure that he did but the other day we were walking around in San Rafeal, the colina where he lives and we saw him walking with his Ex Wife. He looked a lot better he said that his neighbors busted into his house and took him to the hospital and he is seeing a phsycologist and is reciving medication and he said it was all thanks to us because we told his neighbor, who is a member who we were going to eat lunch with, that he was planning to kill himself and she and a bunch of other people went in to his house and hauled him out and took him to the hospital. So he´s better. He said he needs time to organize his life but he was truly so grateful to us because if it weren´t for us he wouldn´t be there. That it was all thanks to us and he could see hope now. But we won´t be giving him missionary lessons because it´s like he said, he needs time to organize his life and he had killed somebody so that´s not exactly something we can work with as missionaries. but as scary as an experince as that was, everything turned out okay. I thought it wasn´t. And i was sort of angry, well not angry, but confused. I feel like a lot of people can go through their whole missions maybe their whole lives without having to deal with a situtation like that, like suicide and i´d had two different occasions on my mission and why me? why did i always have to find out too late? Why did i have to deal with it TWICE. at the begining and now this. I thought it wasn´t fair. Then i realized it has literally NOTHING to do with me and i shouldn´t be so selfish. But our zone leaders wanted us to pray and ask why were specifically here in our areas, why am I in Libertad in Tehucan? And I prayed and didn´t really recive an awnswer right away but i was thinking about it later when i was getting ready for bed that if there had been a white wash, two newbies.. they wouldn´t have known how to find Geraldo. His teaching record was burried deep in the former investigators section and they might not have known how to get there on the day where on a whim i said ´we´re gonna swing by and see Geraldo.´

it was a whim, or i was directed by the spirit i don´t know but either way. we literally saved a guys life. we didn´t bust in ourselves and take him to the hospital but we told the person who did what he was going to do and if we hadn´t done that, well. no one would have known. I´ve never felt like that before. Like a literal instrument in the lord´s hands. I´d felt the spirit testifying through me sometimes.  but this was different. I didn´t do much. But I know, honestly whatever happens here in Libertad, if Carlos and Monsi get baptized with me or not (but they better cuz they are literally the BEST investigators i have EVER HAD) if I go through my whole mission without another baptism, I´ll be able to go home knowning that me and my companion where instrumental in saving a man´s life. But, I know it wasn´t anything i did. Honestly, it´s like in Alma,
 ´do not boast in my ownstrength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy isfull, yea, mheart is brim with joyand will rejoice in my God.
 12 Yea, know that am nothingas to my strength amweak; therefore will not boast of myself, but will boastof my God, for in his strength I can do all thingsyea,behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in thisland, for which we will praise his name forever.

Last week in my letter president said ´good thing you came on the mission right?´. Yeah, it´s a pretty good thing that i came on the mission. 

Lots of love,

Hermana Mills

And on a lighter note, here are some pictures and exerts from her letter to her mom:

Yes. My companion is pretty cool, I like her a lot. Kate Van Rompaey from Las Cruces New Mexico. Her parents are converts and her mom is mexican but she didn´t really know any spanish before she got here either. My first american. She likes collecting things. Like...everything. Note books, little toys, books of mormon, she´s a collecter. Which is good and bad because she doesn´t discourage me from feeding my note book habit but I couldn´t say no to a few here in mexico that are just so dang cute and she´s like ´they don´t have this brand in the states! just buy it! and it´s like a dollar fifty, (thirty pesos almost fourty)´ yeah i bought a lot of notebooks that i didn´t need but whatelse is new. I don´t know what else you want. She´s in her last few transfers. She says i´m probs gonna kill her. In the mission, your last companion is your murderer. I´m an almost assiasian. I´ve almost killed a lot of people on my mission. I was the second last to companion of my trainer, killed hna guadarrama, second to last of hna chauque and i´ll probably be the last comp of hna van rompaey. 

halloween makeup because why not. I´m never gonna be in mexico again for day of the dead. well. who knows. maybe. but sugar skulls are called catrinas here and they´ve got some cool story but i don´t know what it is. but trick or treating isn´t really a thing here. halloween just isn´t really a thing. but whatever. some kids have asked us for candy and i´m just like ´well....i got a mandrian orange and a book of mormon which one do you want?´ and he took my orange and ran away so that was fun.

in the mall they had these cool things on the floor they´re made out of a variety of materials. like, beans and rice and stuff like that or wood chips and flowers, all sorts. Day of the Dead is basically just a memorial day. They just put up their alters for their dead and leave a bunch of food on there, but you know. It´s cool. 

Monday, October 24, 2016

In which Tory renews her green card and there by had no time for news....

My new comp and i are getting along great. she´s a sweetheart and funny and a little weird. She´s way into collecting things and is super nerdy but honestly, i´m learning on my mission to really not judge people. honestly, if you like something and it doesn´t do anyone any harm, go ahead and like it. i mean, i´ll probably make fun of bronies a little bit for my whole life but, honestly, what does it matter? i´ve been good just a little....... i dunno how you would explain it. it´s been a week with a lot of really high yups and one big scary down and what with having to go to puebla today tol renew my green card that put me in a weird intorspective mess. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

In which we fondly remember Henry, the potato bug...

Hermana ayala went to open an area in ignacio mejia where there has never been sister missionaries. or maybe there has but not for like six years or something. but it doesn´t sound like it´s too dangerous or anything. it´s still in a city and it´s like thirty minutes from teahucan. she´s still gonna be in my district so i´ll see her on wednesdays in district meetings. I´m here with hermana van rompey from new mexico. my first ever american comp. she seems nice. we´ll see how this goes. Hermana Van Rompey is from new mexico las cruzes, two hours south of albequrqueljdljl or however you spell that.. She seems pretty laid back.  she likes Dragon Ball Z and Black Viel Brieds (wut....) and Adventure time and Coldplay (this is much more acceptable) today was sort of a disaster because of transfers but whatever. i´m senior comp. i can´t believe i´ve almost got a year in either.

 fall doesn´t really exist here which makes me sad. leaves don´t change. and nothing smells of pumpkins and it´s still too hot to wear sweaters or boots and jeans are strictly prohibited (obviously) but i miss fall. a lot. i have those little hand sanatizers you sent me that have fall scents so that´s nice. also there´s lots of cool decorations for day of the dead and i´m honestly SUPER pumped for that because when am i gonna be in mexico on dia de los muertos again????? probs never. 

I found a bug on my tooth brush last night so that was gross. it looked like an earwig or something. i dunno. teahucan has got some sketchy bugs. not a fan of that part. also i´ve had ROACHES in my apartment. like three times. 😥 but other than that all is well. we´ve got some great new investigators. hermana ayala was sick for two days monday and  tuesday of last week (i had to come back in the afternoon to send something to my district leader about our recent converts) so i got bored and curled my hair and took some selfies because what else is a sister missionary gonna do.  Elder Skidmoore from Syracuse utah said i look like/act like little bo beep from Toy Story which i don´t know was a compliment or not i barely remember toy story. Also, little bo bee didn´t have a chin full of ZITS like i do. but whatever....As for Joni's family sarah is alaeady baptized but joni´s cousin angel isn´t. and he wants to be baptized.he´s wanted to be baptized for years but his mom is inactive and honestly, unless she comes back to church, i can´t baptize him with a clean concious. he´ll just become inactive and another number. another baptismal statstic. we´ll see. this family has got a lot of problems. Speaking of problems, 
 Joni´s baptism was a complete and utter DISASTAR and has only reenforced the ideal set by every group project i´ve ever participated in. TRUST NO ONE and if you want something done right do it yourself. this ward mission leader!!!!!!!!!  we called him like eight times to make sure everything was good and he kept saying ´no se preocupen hermanas ya esta todo´LIES. THE FONT WAS FILTHY. IT WAS FULL OF POTATO BUGS. MY CHAPEL ALWAYS HAS POTATO BUGS. which is kind of sentimental and honestly i like that but NOT IN MY BAPTISMAL WATER FOR MY JONI BOY. and it was COLD. and in mexico everyone flips out about cold water and joni has asthema and i was so SO worried he was going to get sick. and his mom (who is a less active) was super ticked off at us because it started basically two hours late because the clothes the leader mish brought didn´t fit and it was a disaster and basically i just waited till we got home and cried for about two hours straight because i was sure that we´d ruined everything that joni was gonna get sick and not get confirmed on sunday cuz they couldn´t make it to chruch (they´re so poor they almost could afford the eleven pesos to take the bus to his baptism which was another set back) and i felt like a failure as a missionary and when i woke up the next morning on sunday with super swollen eyes and a killer headache because i think i dehydrated myself balling my eyes out. 

but joni came to church (late) and he got confirmed and everyone cried when hermana ayala said she was leaving and i just stood there like an akward giraffe because nobody likes me in this ward they all want hermana solorio back so that´s great. no. familia pazos me quieren. but they´re almost never there because they´re councliers to pte stellmon and they´re always checking up on the little branches and stuff. and we´ve got two new investigators carlos and monsi who accepted a baptism date with the first visit which i was so surprised i almost fell out of my chair. they also have an ADORABLE little girl named Luna who i love. She reminds me of annabeth. 

lots of love

Hermana Bo Peep

before joni´s baptism waitin´for the comvi to come by

me hna ayala sara their mom, joni, joni´s grandma lupita, grandpa benjamin and his aunt ana louisa.

little baby pumpkins that hna ayala and i bought a while back and drew faces on because i miss halloween and fall so much. i also look like a drug addict because this photo was taken after i had spent a good hour and a half crying because of how badly joni´s baptism went. 

Hermana Shumway me, hna zepeda, and hermana ayala. we found a neat little place that sells tortas and jucies (tortas are sandwhiches with fancy bread) waiting for our new comps to get here from our other areas.

Monday, October 10, 2016

In which Tory has doubts about giving up the gypsy life...

In response to her Mom's request that when Tory gets home she rent "Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children" and also help her with some family history/ computer work:

Renting movies is cool too. It should be a pretty sick movie i´m excited. I know I shouldn´t be thinking about it much but I´ve already planned my second night in la vida normal. it´s gonna be me in my pjs with a 3 meat little ceasers pizza (which honestly here i have acess to, i have had pizza a lot this change...) with wild cayote ranch and jurassic park playing. I´m pretty sure my first night back will be spent SLEEPING. I am so tired,. all the time. i´m pretty sure i walk at least seven or eight miles daily and the boots i bought two months back look like i´ve had them since the beginning of my mission. But honestly, those are my only plans for when I get home. Katie better be having a baby or something though because I miss holding babies, and Wes talks now, so he doesn't count. I use to say i wanted two kids. now i want five. i´m sure by the time i have my first i´ll say that that´s pleanty. i probably only want five because i miss holding kids so much. But I also have a very strong impulse to be a hippie. So, we´ll see how that works out. I have no goals in life honestly. My goal was go on a mission. And after that it´s like.......well. i guess i could go to school or something. i know i´m gonna go to school. but for what? who knows. I´ll cross that bridge when I get to it. 

I´ll have to get into family history when i get back i guess to dig up all this info up for you. (Her mom) Ugh but how boring.....but there´s a big push for that these days in the Liahonas these days. I love Liahonas. Do we get them? Why did i never take advantage of them before?! When it would have been every month and in´s a 50/50 chance that i get one every three months or so, in english. i can understand in spanish but it´s better in english.

i´m gonna be trying to write more in the morning it´s better off in the morning. I don´t feel so preassured and I´ve got a little more time. And FINALLY we found a better cyber that has good connection. Or maybe whatever bug myldsmail had has been fixed up so i can actually open my email now.

This week has been good. We´ve been with Joni and his family basically every day this week and he is so CUTE. and his older sister is like a little hermione seriously. We´ll ask Joni ´okay joni what is a pro´phet?´
´´s a man who-´ then his sister butts in and says practically word for word what it says in true to the faith about prophets and looks so proud of herself. she´s twelve and i love her but i´m always like ´I know YOU know, sara, but I need to know if JONI knows. sale?´ (Sale is like okay). Everything is looking good for his baptism but they live so faraway from everything (this are follows the same pattern as all of my areas, it´s HUGE. it use to be two areas one for us and one for elders but they took out the elders two changes back and left everything for us) and so all the rest of our investigators are sort of falling through the cracks. but they weren´t progressing anyway. maybe now that we haven´t been able to visit them much they´ll notice that the spirit isn´t there and that they actually need to ACT.

a girl in my ward here, Megan Pazos just got her mission call to temple square! She´s super cool I like her and her family a lot. We had lunch with them the other day and holy COW. their house is the NICEST house i have ever been in in my LIFE. it´s enormous. they have a pool and a parrot which i thought was pretty impressive. they lived in utah for a long time and they all speak REALLY good english and they are so nice all of them I love them so much. and they help us out SO MUCH the only problem is that they´re president stellmon´s counclers for the branch in ignacio mejia and so they never come to our ward, the parents but when they can they are always willing to help us out honestly they are the best. also, Megan likes Twenty-one Piolits so she´s pretty much my favorite. But that´s cool I can go visit her on her mission when I get back! if i can find her..... I´m not exactly sure what the missionaries in temple square do...... i just know they all have to look super cute and nice all the time which is basically impossible here. in the morning i´m okay but at the end of the day i´m pretty sure i look like i got hit by a truck.

So.....I think that´s all i´ve got to report. All is well here. Well....not exactly well but it´s not to bad either. last week of this transfer and it´s almost posative that hna ayala is going to leave this transfer. I always get nervous for my companions. I´ve never had a bad one honestly but....i miss hna chauque and maradiaga. maradiaga was CRAZY but i miss her. hna chauque and i are still in contact. she writes me every week :) i love her.

miss you miss you MISS you. A lot but I know that the mission is honestly the best thing i could be doing right now. Even if I feel like I suck at it i don´t regret coming. at all. it´s the best desicion i´ve ever made in my life. 
lots of love!

hermana mills

this is the view from my apartment in the morning. there are actually mountains!!!! well...more like hills but i´ll take what i can get.

one great thing about hna ayala is she likes to take pictures.

white girlin´it up in city hall. I think it was city hall anyway..

I can only use my backpack i bought Monday but it´s pretty nifty for lugging groceries to and from my third floor apartment and the four or five block from my house to walmart so that´s always a bonus. And i´m holding out hope that maybe pres. stellmon will change the rules...proabably not but I can dream.

el Centro. some old motel or something i think. I dunno. it was cool so i took a picture of it.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

In which Tory contemplates giving up the gypsy life...

My internet connection SUCKS today no se que esta pasando con
myldsmail these days :( or the internet in general because conference
was spotty for me. I only got to listen to satuerday in english and i
can understand everything honestly i can in spanish now (except with
the talk about afflection and paul. i didn´t know what the spanish
word for thron was) but it was good from what i could tell. but you
can always sort of hear the english undertones beneath the translators
voice so i was a little brain dead after the conference from my head
working double time trying to translate english into spanish or pick
out the english from the spanish and yeah i dono´t know what language
i speak anymore. i was talking to an rm sister on sauterday who was
listening with us in english who is working at the Help hengsington
school that is run by our stake president whre kids can come and teach
english and i was sort of considering it but it´s  1700 for students
to pay and honestly....i could do a year of snow with that kind of
money, finish up with an associates degree and if i do good enough
maybe get a scholarship for utah state or something. and my p blessing
says i´ve basically got to work my little rm butt off (or it will be
an rm butt in a few months, also a very well toned one i might say
from all this WALKING) and get all the education that i can. it´s not
like i prayed about it or anything but i was gettin some vibes that
being a gypsy and running away to mexico again might not be an option
for me.... which was sort of a relief and a little disapointing. i
wanna be a little crazy before i get all bogged down with commitments
like marriage and such.

interviews went great. i never want to go to them because i always
feel like a faliure with my numbers but honestly, pt stellmon has
never talked to me about my investigators my area nothing. personal
study and stuff like that yes. but we talkabout me in my interviews.
this one more than anything. i didn´t want to go because i was
expecting (and we were told to think about how we´re improving the
clarity of our teaching and such) to get a good plancha (burn) from
him because honestly...i don´t feel like i´m good at teaching. less
actives maybe but investigators? i never feel like my lessons sale
bien. i feel like my whole mission my comps have always dominated the
lessons and i just sort of sit there and bear testimony and ya nos
vamos but my comp now is fresh out of her training but she also says
i´m dominating the lessons but it´s because honestly, she doesn´t
explain things very clearly sometimes or leaves out important doctrine
so i try and clairfy things and add the things i think she missed
before moving on then she doesn´t get mad at me because she too sweet
to do that but i just feel like i can´t teach. i´m not a good teacher.
i almost have a year in the mission and i still feel like my lessons

but pte stellmon talked to me about prayer. it was really REALLY
unexpected and really great. he asked me if i´d seen improvement in my
prayers and i said  ´well i´m actually praying so i would consider
that an improvment´ but then he gave me this great lecture about how i
need to develop a good relationship with my father in heaven. we´re
here as missionaries to invite others to come unto Christ but we´re
also here to bring ourselves and our lives unto Him and trying to to
be the most like Him that we can. and if i fail to go home with a good
relationship with Him i´ll have done a lot of good for a lot of people
with my service but i won´t have done much for me. he said i deserve
to have a good realtionship with my Heavenly Father and that right now
i am more worthy than i have ever been. and the habits of personal
prayer and learning to recieve answers to my prayers would bless me
for the rest of my life, in school, in relationships and i was just
sitting there like ´...president why no no don´t talk about school in
relationships i´ve still got time to put all that off don´t plant that
seed in my brain please.´ not that it isn´t already there but i´m
trying not to nourish that seed too much. 

 Also, i hate combvia with all of my soul. it´s a type of music that is
currently playing in this internet place and this displeases me mucho.

Contentment is a difficult thing for me to achieve
on the mission. more so at the end of a transfer and this is week five
so.... i dunno what´s coming for me with these new transfers. the most
likely is that i´ll stay here in Libertad and hna ayala will head out.

I´m permenantly tired. this area follows the pattern of my other ones
in the sense that it is enormous. unfourtunetly, the ward is a bit of
a dud. ometoxtla spoiled me in that sense. there may have been a ton
of drama but the members there loved me. now all i hear is  ´and
hermana solorio! where´d she go!´ i´m also pretty sure hna ayala liked
hna solorio better. i miss ometoxtla and the members there and izamar
who i didnpt get to see get baptized. i missed it by a DAY. literally
a DAY and i don´t even have any pictures of her because of this dumb
only on mondays rule. she was my miracle of my mission and i missed
seeing the fruits of my labor by a day. i also miss hna maradiaga even
if she was crazy. but. hna ayala is a sweet heart and i have a walmart
and there´s only two weeks left of this transfer anyway. so,
somethings gotta change with this upcoming transfer.

I´m sorry that this is all whiney. i´m happy. honestly i am. this work
is wonderful i love mexico and we´ve got a baptism coming up in twelve
days (if everything goes according to plan) jonathan, he´s ten and
ADORABLE. He could probably fit in my suit case. I would adopt him if
I could. He can be my little brother.

lots of love

hermana mills