Monday, May 8, 2017

In which Tory truly is a missionary...

My week was....good and bad. I`ve been feeling a lot of things about a lot of things and about a lot of people but more than anything I feel.....sad. I sometimes feel a little bit of regret for the days where I took the easy way out instead of being diligent but I can honestly say that there have been a lot less of those days then there have been of those days were I kept going even when I didn`t want to. I pushed through even though I didn`t want to. And I`m talking about my whole mission, not just this week. I remember in the MTC thinking....how on earth did Ammon say `I wish to stay among this people, perhaps until the day I die.' when I was feeling like I couldn`t stand another minute away from my home. But now....I can say that I feel the same.Yea, I desire to dwell among this people for a time,  perhaps until the day that I die. Mexico is my home now. I have two homes.

This is probably the last email that I`m going to send while I still have the calling as a full time missionary.  Being a missionary is what I am. I am a missionary. Not a very good one but I am a missionary. And I don`t know how to do anything else. I feel......I feel way too many things about my mission. I feel like in that jeffery r. holland talk. `My love is richer than my tongue...I cannot heave my heart into my mouth.' 

I haven`t done everything perfectly as a missionary. It`s been harder than I ever imagined it would be. I didn`t enjoy every second of it but I can say that there was never a day where I didn`t at least try, sometimes it was a half effort because I felt exhausted spiritually but I`ve always tried. I feel......I feel like I am a good missionary. I remember, in chapter eight of Preach My Gospel there`s an activity that is like, ' imagine your last day in the mission. what do you want to say you`ve done as a missionary this day?` and throughout my mission i`ve done that activity various times and everytime I can only think of, `I just want to do everything that the Lord expects of me.'  And I feel like I have. I have done everything that he expects of me. I`ve done everything I could. I`ve strived to be obedient, I`ve tried my best en everything and I have truly come to realize a line in my patriarcal blessing that says, ' Let the gospel not only be a part of your life but let the gospel be what you are'.

The gospel is what I am. Maybe because i`m living the gospel more fully than ever before in my life and maybe i won`t feel that way when suddenly there`s school and work and boys and movies but right now, siting in mac shack in san pedro cholula i can`t imagine my life any other way. I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ. I am a part of this gospel. And there isn`t room for doubt in my heart or in my mind. I can`t imagine my life in another mission with other people or in another place. This is MY mission. I feel like Ruth now, in the bible when her mother in law is like, `I have nothing else for you now, and Ruth responds: Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whithethou goest, will goand where thou lodgest, will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.

But at the same time, I know missions have to end. This has been the eighteen months of my life and they`ve also been the worst. But the mission isn`t the most important thing in life. It was for this time and still is for this week because I`m a missionary but at the end, this isn`t everything Heavenly Father has planned for me. This is only the beginning and every good thing that happens to me from now on I know, I know that it is thanks to my mission. If nothing else, my mission has brought me fully and completely unto Christ and I have been changed thanks to Him. Not for anything I`ve done. But at least I can say that the gospel is who I am. 

I don`t know what else to say. I have to go know. I have to write to president and I feel a lot of preassure to finish with a bang and be really impressive and spiritual but i don`t think it`s going to be that way.

i love you. And i`ll see you on Tuesday.

Sincerly,

Hermana Mills

Thursday, May 4, 2017

In which Tory becomes a worry wart...


This week has been better. Well. we`ve still got a whole lot of nothing going on but I`ve sort of accepted that. Sorry I wont have much to write it`s que the assistents have asked me and those who are heading out with me to send in TWELVE pictures of me throughout my mission and i`m trying to decide which ones i`m going to send.

I don`t know who is leaving with me. in my generation i`m the only utah kid. i`m pretty sure elder bons is finishing with me. my zone leader. but he`s from ohio. but maybe we`ll go to huston together. who knows. I think another elder, elder limpert from Salt lake might be finishing with me but i have no idea about the elders. the elders who came here with me won`t be leaving with me. but i still don`t really want to go home. like....i want to come home for two weeks and then i want to come back to mexico and being a missionary. but then again seeing as i`m not very good at being a missionary maybe it`s better if i just......i have no idea what i`m going to do with my life. that`s sort of terrifying. what am i going to do with my life???????????? I just sent you the twelve fotos that i`m going to send into the video that they`re going to make. there all old ones except for one where i have my hair pulled back. hna flores and i have to take more pictures. i seriously love her so much. 


the mission has turned me into a worry wart. one thing that i won`t miss AT ALL is the preassure to meet your goals and everything. i know in like two weeks it isn`t going to matter if i had five baptisms in my last transfer or not. what will matter is that i take everything that i learned in these eighteen months and i keep holding fast and treasuring the things. if i keep up the good habits that i`ve gained and all that good jazz. 

or at least that`s what i tell myself as a way of comforting myself for our lack of just about anything here 😥


PLEASE. i need assignments. I need a scheduale. I bought a agenda the other day because i was like.....i dono`t have another agenda....I DON`T HAVE AN AGENDA FOR THE NEXT TRANSFER! BECAUSE THE ENXT TRANSFER I WON`T NEED AN AGENDA. HELP.

(Tory sent 12, but I am only posting those that have not been on the blog before)







Tuesday, April 25, 2017

In which Tory's shoes disagree with the local traditions...

This post will have Tory's e-mail's for the last two weeks. Sorry for the inconvenience, but we've been very busy around here with this little fellow so you'll have to forgive us.
April 17, 2017

Well the secrataries just called me and asked me where i`d like to fly in and i said salt lake because i don`t know if saint george or ceader city will have international flights so i`ll be flying into salt lake but i sort of forgot what day i`ll actually be getting in.....i probably should have asked that. but i`m guessing tuesday may 16 and i don`t know what time. they`ll send me my itenerary later so then i`ll tell you. and as far as traditions go they only have sabado de gloria where they just run around soaking people with buckets of water..........i am not a fan of that tradition and neither are my shoes. but we`ve got to go to tehucan today so i`m not going to have much time to write just wanted to tell that i love you and not to worry about me and i don`t want to come home. i almost didn`t awnswer the secrataries today when they called. they called like five minutes ago. i don`t want to go home but at the same time i`m excited to see you guys but i donpt know. sorry for lame letters without pictures but this sister trainer leader stuff is the worst i don`t have time on pday anymore for anything. but i love you and i`ll see you soon!!!
April 24, 2017

sorry for not writing anything or sending anything but things aren`t going to well in coronango. it`s really frustrating. when i was in ome we had the SAME problems. it`s been like six months and everyone is stuck in the same place with the same problems and no one is accepting ANYTHING and we`re sister trainer leaders so we have a ton of preassure to meet our goals and we set a goal of two baptisms for april and i don`t think it`s happening. and we can`t find anyone and i`m sort of bitter because ome was my hardest area and i was there four FOUR MONTHS with nothing and why did i get sent BACK when i only have three weeks left to find three baptisms? why did i get sent back to the area that i sort of hated and was the hardest for me? it`s not fair!! we were doing wonders in atlixco, me and hna guzman. i love hna flores she`s amazing but i`m angry and bitter and sad that my last few weeks of the mission i`m going to wandering around this little town in the middle of nothing that is more catholic than the vatican. 

Monday, April 10, 2017

In which Tory (yes Tory) cries tears of joy...

I`m doing really well. i get along way to well with my companion that we end up talking all night about anything and everything and we wake up like zombies which isn`t good because we`re both sick. we`ve got a cold. and it`s all her fault. 😣 no she says it`s elder medina`s fault because he came to the zone conference and got hna robertson sick who got hna flores sick who got ME sick and now we both are coughing and have a bunch of snotty noses and it`s a grand old time.   We`re talking like we`ve been smoking for fourty years but other than that. i`m good. all is well. All is forgiven because Hna Florez  is so cool she has the same tastes as me in basically everything and we get a long way too well. It makes it harder to stay focused. She`s from lima peru.

things are good here in cholula. i already know like half of my area because  they basically took half of my old ward, ometoxtla and half of the old ward of hna flores, la joya and made a new ward. so half of it i`m familiar with and half of it she knows so that`s fun.  time`s flying by way too fast. i don`t really halve much else to say. we`re good. i feel like hna flores is a little too laid back so i`m looking for a nice way to say buckle down with our time in the morning and studies and stuff and being more punctual and things like that but we`ve got interviews tomorow with president so that`ll be fun.

being sister trainer leader is just calling a lot of pepole and gossiping basically. okay not gossipy but it`s passing informes a los elderes los lideres de zona los assistentes. ect. and there`s a lot more preassure to reach your baptism goals. we`re basically sister zone leaders but we don`t have to meet with the stake president which is good.  but an investigator that we met on sauterday showed up yesterday and so that was cool and he wants us to meet his sons. i`m like 97% sure that he`s going to get baptized. hopefully in april but if not than in may.  i miss atlixco but i got to see hno lehi and his wife arely yesterday and their daughter who was born on my birthday seven months ago and she`s ADORABLE. but they`re in a different ward now so i probs won`t see them again. 😫

but i`m good. the house has a lot of bugs and my bed is reallly hard but i can last another five weeks. it`s CRAZY to think i`ve only got five weeks left of my mission. i try not to think about it to much but i feel good. i feel like i`ve done a good job. i`ve made a lot of mistakes and messed up and grown up and learned a lot and cried a lot and laughed a lot and i know more than anything that president stellmon is really proud of me. and if president is proud of me i`m guessing my father in heaven and earthly father are too so.. estoy contenta.

Also we had a BAPTISM last Friday! Vanessa and Melody were baptized and it was beautiful and amazing and i cried i was so happy.



Tuesday, April 4, 2017

In which prayers are answered....

sorry that I couldn[t write to you guys yeserday but a TON of stuff went down and i[m sort of overwhelmed and i didn[t get a chance to get to a cyber yesterday. what happened is, i got transferred from atlixco to.....CHOLULA!!!! I'm in cholula again!!! and the crazy thing is that my ward is coronango which is a new ward they made about two weeks ago and it has a lot of the same areas that I had when I was in Ometoxtla in cholula about a year ago so i[ve got to see a ton of fimiliar faces which is nice. i[m also a sister trainer leader now which means i[m basically a district leader with my comp hna flores from peru but just for the sisters here. there[s not to many companionships in cholula, just two others and for this reason we[re also covering the zone of......TEHUCAN!!!! which is insane because tehucan is like three hours from cholula and we have to go do interchanges over there sometime in the coming weeks. it[s kind of ironic because i was praying and asking heavenly father, this is my last transfer, i want to go back to cholula or tehucan. if it is thy will let me go back to cholula or tehucan.......ask and ye shall recieve. i should have been more specific because now i have no idea how we[re going to do this. but that[s all i[ve got time for love you and we[ll talk more next week!!!!

In which Tory declares her devotion and love...

So....long time no update.....

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS FROM LAST WEEK. THERE WAS NO E-MAIL YESTERDAY, WE ASSUME TORY WAS TRANSFERRED. 

Well, I´m sorry to say that this will be a little short too because honestly I still haven´t written my Mission President and time is ticking on….But a short update is better than nothing.

I´m still in Atlixco, Madero. Transfers are next week and we have a SURE baptism planned for this Friday! Melody and Vanessa have passed their baptismal interviews and we´re all good to go!!!!!! They´re so cute. Melody is ten and Vanessa is fifteen, they´re mothers are inactive and Melody´s mom is slowly but surely activating (her name is Erica and she´s Vanessa´s aunt) and her baby Nahomi is officially one of the cutest creations that I have met on this green earthy. And obviously my neices and nephews not included. Our new ward mission leader, Arturo Lopez Hidalgo, is great. His family just barely went to Utah,his son is living there in Egale Mountain and they´re so nice. I love them. I can´t believe that we´re already facing the end of Hermana Guzman´s training. I feel like maybe I haven´t done the best job with training because I haven´t really pushed her like I should have. I feel like I´ve been babying her too much. But, should have would have could have aside we´re near the end of it. I can say that I have loved her and learned a lot from her. I still remember one time when Hermana Peynado shared with me, ´Hermana at the end of it all, when you´re standing before the Saviour and he asks you about your mission he´s not going to ask you how many baptisms you had or how many lessons with members present you had he´s going to ask you how deeply you loved his sons and daughters he put in your path.´  And it´s true. I´ve been trying not to think about how much time I may or may not have left on the mission and I´m just trying to figure out how I can really finish this thing the way He wants me to. I can say that the gospel truly has become a priceless treasure to me throughout my mission. I´ve never felt the deep love or devotion that I have felt in these last few weeks towards the gospel and towards my Saviour before.  So whatever happenes in this next transfer, I´ve at least come to appreciate that. Some good has come of it.

And that´s officially all i´ve got time for. Rambeling wanderings and impressions that probably don´t make any sense. But there you have it.
Lots of missionary love

Hermana Mills 

Monday, March 13, 2017

In which wedding bells toll...

not much has happened this week. actually a lot has happened this week. my ward mission leader changed again. rayo is going to get married on the thirtieth. that was a whole SHOW honestly. last monday we went to the civil register (i think that´s a thing in english...it´s something to do with the government and getting married or something. i dunno) just me and hermana guzman and we went to go check out details about how you can supposedly get married for free on the thirtieth of this month and we got everything all figured out, the two of us and that was a whole show too but then it was fine because she could get married for free!!! so the first thing we did last monday was head to her papeleria and tell her everything and we called two members who have been friendshiping them and helping us with lessons and they were totally willing to be witness at her wedding and we were all three super happy then she called her husband and was like ´honey we can get married!!!!!´and he was just like.... ´but i have to work that day...can´t it be another day? why so soon? why ec ect ect.' 

to say i was disapointed would be an understament. but to make a long story short i had to leave the area for a day to do interchanges with our hermana leader which was btoh good and bad because i love hermana quiroz who i did interchanges with and bad because then i didn´t know what happened with rayo!!!! but when we met up together again on Wednesday THEY AGGREED!!! THEY´RE GETTING MARRIED. :D if everything goes well...........which....we´ll see.... with my luck. no. but she didn´t come to church yesterday and I´m not too sure how ready she is or how converted......so she might not get baptized while i´m here. which would bite but...it´s better that she gets baptized when she´s ready not when it´s convinent for me so i can take a picture with her and show off to the rest of the mission my acomplishment,.

but we´ve got two other baptism dates. two girls, ten and fifteen years old. Melodi and Vanessa. Melodi´s mom is a member and so is Vanessa´s but Vanessa´s mom is in another state and she´s in Erica´s (melodi´s mom) care right now and her mom is okay with her getting baptized! they´re inactives. like....super inactives but they´re ridiculously willing and they were all ready when we passed by to take them to church yesterday, they were all in there dresses, even erica´s baby, Nahomi who is six months old and it was pretty fantastic. 

Monday, March 6, 2017

In which Tory prepares for the future...

Note from the editor: I cut out some paragraphs that were direct answers to questions or comments about my kids ect. ect so sorry if this is a bit choppy. 

I know I shouldn't be thinking of this, but the future is looming. Is it better that i get a job at fish lake or maybe with darell in peterson´s plumbing? I want to go to fish lake and escape to the mountains where there´s not a lot of internet connection. I feel like that will save me a lot of temptation. But who knows if i can get that job either. i bet that i could. honestly, the mission is going to leave me ridiculously prepared for a lot of things. i can manage time now (sort of......i´m still working on that). i´m somewhat organized (also still working on that) and i speak SPANISH, (also still owrking on that) i have learned to get along with ANYONE AND EVERYONE. i´ve never had probelms with getting a long with my companions even when i look back on and it realize wow...she was not a very nice person. honestly, i feel like my last comp. hermana peynado left me sort of tramuatized. she was perfect little peynado and president LOVED her to peices but she was really mean to me a lot. not just mean, cruel, and she had a crappy life and circumstances and i´ll give her that she never used that as an excuse and she had a lot of AMAZING qualities. she was really unselfish and a really good person but......i´m till traumatized over a few things that she said or did....and i feel like i can´t talk to anyone about it. presdient loved her. but...i know president loves me too. we had interviews on sauterday and he said that the progress i´ve had is truly one of the most impressive changes that he´s seen in a lot of missionaries. and hna guzman said in her interview ´he LOVES you hermana, when he talks about you his eyes shine and he told me at the end of my training i have to be EXACTLY like you.´ and i was just like ´.........well i don´t think that´s very advisable i´m somewhat insane.´ but president always asks me how i am, if i feel anxious or overwhelmed and such and i sort of had a break down during our weekly planning session but, i´m better now. it´s just because....well, i´ve only got ten weeks left of my mission. and i have a goal of five baptisms (at president´s request i set a goal of how many baptisms i want) and i had two really sure ones for this transfer. i had gerado and rayo and they were both doing so well, then gerado out of the blue wants nothing to do with us and is going to move to mexico city and that poor kid is gone there. he´s just going to get lost in the crowd of dozens of kids just like him there and rayo just barely got back together with her ex and their living together. and they´re planning to get married in december and then have a big catholic wedding...............kill me please.

the good thing is rayo still wants to go to church and get baptized. and supposedly the thirtieth of march people can get married for free here. i don´t know how or why we´re going to go check out in el registro civil today and see what´s up.....i just hope no body gets any big ideas with the guerita asking about free weddings. it´s for a friend, honestly. but we only found one new investigator the last week and i feel like i´ve turned this place upside down and nothings coming up.....so i´m kind of stressed about that. and i don´t get along with my mission leader. i knkow i was just bragging about how i get along with everyone but i have fantazied about pushing him off a bridge or down a well or something.

I would love to be a youth leader. it would be cool. also i´m going to do my personal progress when i get home because....well my blessing says i´m gonna be a young women´s teacher so....hay que set an example and all that.......but after serving a mission i say that i totally deserve that necklace. how many ten hour projects have i done??????? ALL OF THEM.

that´s all i got. oh, and today i have to go look for new shirts because we had a meeting on wednesday and hna stellmon is a little concerned because she´s seen a lot of informal shirts with the sister missionaries lately.ñ..... so a lot of the shirts i´ve been using basically all of my mission i´ve now been informed they are not appropriate.....KILL ME PLEASE. i have ten weeks left i don´t wanna buy a bunch of lame blouses i´m never gonna wear again. I HATE BLOUSES. but whatever.

lots of love

Hna. Mills 

this is hermana oli who i´m naming my first child after 


Magic garden we went to last week. 



Monday, February 27, 2017

In which Tory becomes a fire fighter...

Well.....there´s a lot of stuff that hashappened in these last few days. We have another investigator Rayo who has a baptismal date for march 18. She´s cute and has two little girls who are ADORABLE. our bishopric in the ward has changed and our new bishop is one of my favorite people here in Madero entonces...i´m super happy with this new bishopric. I don´t know if I´ve mentioned Diana Ahumada but she is one of my favorite people ever and ehr family is adorable. Her husband, José Valazques is our new bishop. and it´s going to be weird to say Obispo instead of hermano pepe..... but they are the cutest they help us out a lot with visits and they´re SOCUTE I LOVE THEM and i want my future family to be like them. 

And before I forget, I finally faced every missionary´s nightmare that are here in Puebla south mission.. chicken feet. I had to eat chicken feet. and like four or five too.  😲😩 not a fan of patas de pollo. i didn´t even know you can find meat with chicken feet. but there is some gross geletian like substance betweeen all of those little bones. it didn´t really taste like anything but they were sort of slimey and....no. not my favorite. also i ate blood stuffed intestines in tacos the other day with Mimí Perez and her husband in a family home evening. i think i´ve already talked about them but i also love them and i want to see her husband in a baptismal font gosh dang it!!!!!!!!! i ate blood tacos for you josé luis the least you could do is enter into a sacred covenent with your father in heaven in exchange. i mean come on. i´m not asking much. 

and the other day heramna guzman and i became firefighters. we were visiting hermana oli, helping her prepare for the family home evening that she was going to have, (in which she invited half of the little town she lives in and there were only five of us who showed up.us, rayo, oli and a recent convert juan manuel) And we were sweeping and stirringher atole when she shouted at us to come outside and we ran out and saw that her little kitchen that she has outside under a patio (everything made of wood) was in flames. she´d been burning trash out in a little fire pit that she has out there and we think the wind caught one of them but everything was going up in smoke. and she didn´t have very much water so we went crazy emptying her things of pure drinkable water into buckets and trying to put this fire out. which we did at the end. and then we were sooty and sweaty and smelled like smoke and i´d just barely sent my boots to the zapatero (a cobbler) to replace the soul and wash and shine them up and they were so nice and clean and now they´re filthy again. that missionary life though.

but i think that´s all. we´re going to go make tortillas with hermana oli later today and then go to a magic garden with some other missionaries that are here in atlixco. this is probably my last transfer here in atlixco. i have mixed feelings about that.

but yep...that´s all i got


hna guzman and me and anira, a girl who just barely left on her mission. her parents are like our parents they are so cute and they worry about us and bring us oreos and milk sometimes




Thursday, February 23, 2017

In which Tory realizes the end is near...

Gerado disapeared off the radar and never showed up to his interview and now the young men´s president said that he passed by to invite him to church and he says he doesn´t want us to come by anymore....
i´ve just gotten used to not baptizing. president told me that this is a hard ward. he´s had lots of problems with the members here and he basically told us, until this ward has a change of heart there won´t be any baptisms here because they´re too proud. There´s lots of ex seventys and mission presidents and stuff who just want to do things their way. That being said there are several members here that i love to peices. Diana Ahumada and her family, Hermana Oliva who is eighty one and such a fire cracker I love her and I am DETERMINED to name my first daughter Olive, after her, and Mimi Perez. She doesn´t have much time that she´s been active again and her husband isn´t a member but he doesn´t want to be baptized. He´s super great and nice and funny and he would be an AMAZING member but he´s catholic and happy as a catholic. But someday. sometimes I just look at them and i´m just like ´........soon hermano jose luis....soon.´ and their youngest daughter, is ADORABLE she prays so that the zombies don´t get her and dances along to hymns in sacrament meeting and I love her. We had a family home evening with them yesterday and I really can´t explain why i love them so much.

Today officially begins my second to last transfer. my pen ultimo cambio....twelve weeks. President said that it wasn´t very fair that they have a first twelve weeks program but a last twelve weeks program no. i think the thing that is going to be the hardest for me is not count the time. I nkow that I shouldn´t but I can´t help it. I don´t know how many weeks i´ve got in the mission, i haven´t been keeping track but I do now that i only have twelve weeks left...and honestly Gerado sort of left me gutted. I don´t know what else to do. This ward is...hard. But we do have another investigator with a baptismal date, Rayo but she either has to get married or leave her husband. He doesn´t live with her but he is always dropping by so........ that´s a problem. but she´s come to church two times and the primary president, Felisa Lopez es un amor and has really been helping her out. GIRL POWER. 

I think that´s all I´ve got to say this week. Today starts off the new transfer and ojala that it´ll be better than the last one. it´ll be better. the beginning of transfers is always the best part AND i´m like 99% sure it´s my last transfer here in atlixco. i hope. please. atlixco is a refiners fire.


lots of love hermana mills


Monday, February 13, 2017

In which the reader is invited to give all they can to Christ...

We´ve got a bpatism set for this sauterday, a teenage boy gerado who i feel like is both my son and my little brother i love him and i also want to smack him with my pamphlets sometimes. but he had a dream awhile back and he told us now he knows he needs to be baptized!!!!! 😆😆😆 and he shared us a really great experience with us the other day. we were teaching about tithing and fast offerings and when we invited him to do a fast he pulled face and i said ´come on,i´ts not THAT hard´ and he said ´no,it´s not that. it´s just when i was a kid a lot of the time my step dad didn´t have work and my mom didn´t either so we would go for a day or two without eating anything,but i would sneak out the window and go looking for something,anything, from the neighbors or whatever and when i found something, sometimes it would just be enough for my little brother, but to watch him eat and enjoy whatever scraps i could find..i felt...good. i felt really good.´ and he was crying while he told us and i was trying not to cry too and i wanted to hug him and cry and buy him like seven tamales or something. 

and if you ask me time is passing WAY TO FAST. i don´t want to go home. i know i´ve been homesick and i´ve been suffering and been whining about how hard the mission is and it is.it is hard. really really hard and i don´t always like and i´m not always happy honestly. i´ve been at my lowest and i think i´ve cried more than i´ve laughed but i don´t want to go home. i´m scared to go home. i´m scared that i´ll just go back to the way i was.never reading never praying and loose all this progress that i´ve made. i don´t know what i want to do. i don´t want to leave mexico.i love mexico. I love people here i love the weather i love the volcanoe and i love the members here and i want to live in mexico as a normal person,not as a missionary. 

As part of my personal study I’m reading the gospels and writing down the questions that Jesus asked when he taught, and one in Mark really caught my attention. A multitude had been following Christ and he didn´t want to send them away fasting, he was worried they might faint along the way. So he told his disciples to feed them.  I can imagine his disciples looking at one another then looking around at the desert around them thinking. ´…..and how are we supposed to do that? Do you see a market around here? ´ they even asked him  ´Shall we go and buy two hundred pennyworth of bread, and give them to eat?´
Kind of a sarcastic question. But the Savior didn´t rebuke them.  Instead, he asked ´How many loaves have ye?´
A lot of the time I feel like I´ve been asked to do the impossible.  I´ve got to teach repentance baptize converts and obey exactly to the letter and work with members (who sometimes make me want to pull my hair out) and make appointments and always find new people to teach and be smiling while I do it and grow in my testimony and in my faith and think of inspired questions and give the best example that I can for my companion and consecrate myself and I’m literal representative of the Lord and the church. That is a lot of responsibility.  Sometimes I react like the apostles. I don´t always have the best  attitude. Sometimes I just want to have a snarky comeback and do things the way I want.  Sometimes I think the way the third missionary thinks. Resentful or bitter and whiney.
But the Savior’s response changed a lot for me. ´how many loaves have ye?´
He didn´t tell them,  or the multitude, ´why didn´t you think to bring food? You made this problem, you solve it.´ instead, He asked them how much they already had, and more importantly how much they were willing to give Him. And when they could only muster up five little loaves He didn´t condemn them or their meager offering. He didn´t scoff and tell them that wouldn´t be enough. He didn´t demand that the find more. He took all that they had, even when it was clearly wasn´t enough, and he used His grace, His power to make it MORE than enough.  
41 And when he had taken the five loaves and the two fishes, he looked up to heaven, and blessed, and brake the loaves, and gave them to his disciples to set before them; and the two fishes divided he among them all.
 42 And they did all eat, and were filled.
 43 And they took up twelve baskets full of the fragments, and of the fishes.
He doesn´t ask that we change by ourselves or that we give more than we can, all He asks is that we come unto Him, that we give Him all that we can, even if we think that it´s not enough, and He makes it not just enough, but more than enough. He didn´t just feed the five thousand, they had enough to take home to their families too. He just asks us to trust Him and to give Him everything that we have.

the zone actiity that we had last monday. hermana martinez who also has the red bow and hermana quiroz are some of my favorite sisters here they´re so cute.

i don´t know why atlixco has brought out my inner photographer but it´s churning out some pretty sweet pictures

Monday, February 6, 2017

Monday, January 30, 2017

In which Tory discovers the extent of her fame...

We had interviews with President and I got my christmas package from the washburns. tell them muchas gracias from me. I´d like to send them a note too but....i still haven´t found the post office yet. or found time to write letters. Even though the scheduale has sort of changed for missionaries everywhere and supposedly i should have a little more time in the night time now. I don´t know how I feel about these changes. they´re weird. We´ve got a full hour of personal study and then everything else is been cut down to half an hour and they don´t care when or where you study. you can do it under a tree at three in the afternoon if you want. the only two that are really set are personal study time and planning. in the morning. now when we get home the only thing we have to do is update the area book and our journals and if we want we could get a little more shut eye. but i never seem to find the time to get to bed any early anyway so......

that´s also why i´m writing earlier because now i have to get all my computer time done by two in the afternoon. before two o´clock everything done before two. 

we´ve got a baptism date for the twenty fifth of February. Maria del Rayo, but she prefers Rayo. She´s twenty seven has two adorable little girls and was listening to the missionares before but her mother in law, who she lived with said that they couldn´t come back so she stopped listening to them but she was always curious and so when we walked into her little papeleria becaus the rest of our appointments had fallen through and i was so desperate to teach SOMEONE that i basically just said ´Hi we´re missionaries do you want to hear about Jesus?´and she responded ´yes. yes I do.´ so that was really cool.

we had a worldwide training meeting last wednesday and our whole mission got together and so i got to see hermana marradiaga and hermana van rompaey again! So that was cool we took a mission picture and I saw Elder Mills but I didn´t talk to him and I a newbie sister missionary from utah came up to me and was like ´i use to read your blog!!!!!! i loved it! and it helped me get ready for my mission!´ and i was just like 😐who are you???? but she was super cute and nice. Sister Lochester or something fancy like that. she´s in nealtican.I now know NO ONE in the mission. Everyone I knew is dead. And that´s why my comp is always like ´you´re leaving soon aren´t you? you´re leaving soon!! are you going to leave me some of your clothes????´ not like anything I have would even fit her, she comes up to my waist. 

We had interviews with president and it was super nice to talk to him man i love president. he told me some really nice things that helped me out.  he said i am a wonderful WONDERFUL missionary and when it is my turn to leave we´re both going to cry. he said my spirit is softer, kinder that i´m no longer flipent or juvinele that i´m a spiritually mature, organized and refined missionary, an amazing teacher, and i´ve progressed so much in such a short time and that i need to stop being so hard on myself. he said i was beating myself up like one of my dad´s cows.  Man, I love president Stellmon. I want him to come to my wedding and just to stay in contact with him for the rest of my life and seek his wise councils always. I´m glad he´s from Idaho and not from Argentina or something like that. 

anyway, that´s all i got. hope all is well on the farm. i´ll send some pictures right now. love yuou love you love you love you!!!

oh...and what´s your opinion if i run away to wyoming for the summer when i get back and work at Jackson Hole??

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

In which Tory abandons us to be a good Mama....

 There is going to be a world wide missionary training meeting this Wednesday and we´re going to go to Puebla, the whole mission is going to get together and i´m super excited!!!! i´m going to see hermana marradiaga again and hermana van rompaey!!!! we haven´t gotten all together, the whole mission since MY training. the last time we did was when Elder Oaks came. So i´m pretty excited!!!! I don´t have anything else really to say. Nobody is porgressing so.....that´s fun 😫 but we´ve got enterviews  Friday I feel like i can either write a good letter to president or to you....i have to pick. and because hna guzman is in her training he´s asked me to make my letters longer soo.....sorry. president takes precidence right now. 

taking over Atlixco

falling down the hill of San Miguel

a super nice selfie NOT sponsered by gatorade even though it seems like it

Monday, January 16, 2017

In which the reader recieves a small Spanish lesson

Hey y´all,

I´m pretty sure the Spanish equivalent of y´all is vosotros….cómo estáis vosotros? I think that´s how it works. I don´t understand vosotros. Hello, i´m Hermana Mills and I´ve been in Mexico for a year and I still don´t completely understand Spanish.
So, I´m training this transfer. That is both exciting and terrifying. My companion is Hermana Guzman, she´s from Guatemala (hold your horses Joseph, don´t have a heart attack of happiness) Rabinal Guatemala, Misión Guatemala Coban. She´s really sweet and a recent convert. She has a year and seven months of being a member. I´m having flash backs of my own training which is both good and bad. Bad because I think my training left me permanently scarred in some aspects (just kidding) and good because I realized I actually have progressed and changed a lot.

Things are good in Madero. We´re working with a kid named Gerado who when he´s paying attention is great and when he´s…distracted… I want to smack him with my folletos. I have a feeling he´s got some issues with the word of wisdom. Este chamaco. But we´re also working with Hermana Conchita and her family, who took us to the villa iluminada. There´s so much to talk about I just feel like I don´t have the time or the brain power to write it all. Atlixco has proven to be a real turning point in my mission. I´ve learned a lot here. Felt like I´ve literally gone insane here for a few seconds, but here I am, in one piece (relatively) and training a newbie…..awesome.

But all is well in Zion, or you know, Atlixco. I´m trying not to freak out about how fast time is passing by. But the whole mission is going to meet up on the twenty fifth and that means I get to see all my friends!!!!! I get to see Hermana van rompay and Hermana maradiaga and i´m so pumped!!!

But that´s all I got..

Lots of missionary love,

Hermana mills


Tuesday, January 10, 2017

In which Tory is unsure what to expect while expecting...

YOU´RE GOING TO BE A GRANDMA/AUNT. I´M GOING TO GET AN HIJA. I¨m going to train this transfer!!!!!!!! I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT THIS. That´s why I¨m writing so early, because I don´t know if I¨ll get a chance later... I have to go back to Puebla to recieve my new babicita compeñera. And who knows how long i´m going to be there. 

I´m sort of terrified. sort of excited. sort of feeling like throwing up. the things i do for my future children.... mostly i´m terrified. Hopefully I´ll get a better letter out later but I dunno if I´ll have time.

Said goodbye to hna peynado. cried a little. 

hermana mills (soon to be mama mills)